I have been a little low this week. At first I thought it was being back from vacation, but that should have worn off already. Then I thought it was because I had my doctor’s appointment yesterday, but that was just a 6-week regularly scheduled check-in – not a big deal.
It wasn’t until this morning when I opened Facebook and saw it:
Father’s Day is on Sunday
That is when it clicked. Father’s Day. A day to celebrate the men in our lives. Only this year, we don’t have two of them.
This is one of those Firsts that you hear about when people talk about grief.
It is our first Father’s Day without a Father. My first Father’s day in 50 plus years to not be able to talk to my dad and wish him a Happy Father’s day.
The first Father’s day in 22 years (yes, he got a Father’s day gift when I was pregnant with our first daughter) where I will not roll over in the morning and tell my husband before anyone else Happy Father’s Day.
I admit I have gotten better at identifying why I am feeling down, but this one snuck up on me. I’m not sure why. Maybe it was because of all of the activity that we have had going on lately.
Since March life has been moving ahead. I closed on my new house and moved, I sold our old house, my oldest graduated from college, we went on a cruise to celebrate graduation and surviving the past year. Next week we are going to look for apartments for my oldest who will now be moving on to graduate school.
All of that in three and a half months is enough for anyone. much less someone who had 2 devastating losses less than a year ago. Sometimes I look at my kids and I amazed at how well they have handled this year.
On Sunday I will hug my girls, tell them how proud I am of them.
In my heart I will wish I was calling my dad one more time to tell him Happy Father’s day….
Happy Father’s Day Dad
…And giving my husband another homemade coupon entitling the bearer to a trip to Barnes and Noble with his spouse to watch him read every back cover on the Sci-Fi aisle, looking for the perfect next book.
Happy Father’s Day J.R
Kim, I am so encouraged because you have a great support system. I hope you know that many have and continue to pray for you and your family. You are not alone. God Blessb you. ??
<3 <3 Those firsts are hard… and the seconds and the thirds… Losing one of the fathers in your life would be hard, but to be missing both of them must be excruciating. I have a husband who struggles with Father's Day because it was our last normal day with our first son. Twelve years later and there is still pain around the day.