Do you believe in Miracles?

A few days ago I was doing the weekly maintenance on my hot tub. There were several butterflies flitting about the yard. Butterflies have always been my sign from God, and I have extended that to J.R. the past months. I asked God (the butterfly) to land on the hot tub side so I would know it was J.R.

I’m always looking for signs that he is watching over me and happy with the choices I’ve made since he has been gone. When you have made all of your decisions together for over 20 years, you still seek reassurance from the one you used to make all your decisions with.

I waited and waited. Sure that it would eventually land on the hot tub, but finally, I had to leave. As I walked away I knew it was J.R., in true J.R. fashion, the butterfly continued to flit around and land everywhere but on the side of the hot tub where I asked it to land. All our married life, he did things on his schedule and not on mine. It was a constant frustration for me while he was alive. Now, all I could do was laugh, knowing how much he knew it irritated me.

I realized that this was not unlike our prayers with/to God. God does things on his own timeline. We may ask for something, expecting it to happen on our timeline. But God’s time is infinite, unlike ours. So when He does things on His timeline, it may frustrate us that it is not done as quickly as we would like. When a prayer is answered it may not be in the way in which we expect it, but He is taking care of things in ways we cannot comprehend or understand.

I have been reading some blog posts recently where the author was asking God for miraculous healing. In one post, the author had a long list of friends or family that he was asking God to heal. In another, the author was the one who had asked for the healing. In both of the posts, the authors “received” miraculous healing.

I admit I have a hard time with these posts. In my days of self-doubt, it makes me wonder if I don’t have enough faith. Do I not ask for healing in the “right way”?

I know that there is nothing that is going to bring J.R. back to life. I have asked for healing, for myself, for my husband before he passed, for my dad before he passed. While I do not claim to have received a miraculous healing (I still have Stage 4 Breast Cancer), it is a miracle that I am still here 7 years after my Stage 4 diagnosis (14 years since my original diagnosis).

It occurred to me as I was reading these blogs and thinking about the butterflies that were flitting around, that these authors were not writing to me. I was not their intended audience. Much like the disciples who wrote to different audiences, I too, am writing for a different audience.

I’m not going to claim miraculous healing. I am going to claim that God has done miracles in my life and now it is time to honor those miracles and live a life of purpose – to glorify God in my own way and by sharing my story.