Category: 31 Day Challenge (Page 6 of 7)

We are programmed to ask “WHY?”

If you have ever spent any amount of time around a 2-year-old you know how true that is. I think every other word out of their mouth is “why?”

We are by nature curious. Curiosity has led to many great inventions/improvements. If we weren’t curious we might be living in the Garden of Eden. But the tree of knowledge was so tempting and we have been seeking knowledge ever since.

We want to know. We need to know. Or do we?

A diagnosis of a life threatening disease leads you down the slippery slope of asking Why?

Why did this happen? How did this happen? Why me? Why do bad things happen to good people (at least I would like to think that we are in the “good people” category).

Having already gone down this path 12 years ago and finding it to lead only to having more questions I have decided to take a different path this time.

I do not know Why these things happen. I will not ever know the answer to that while walking this earth (although I do have a list of questions like this that I want to sit and talk to God about when I finally meet him).

So while I am glad that there are people who want to find the answers to the question of Cancer, I cannot focus on the why, I can only focus on the what is next.

I have to find the path that leads to Hope. Hope for our future, hope for a cure, hope for more time together, hope for comfort and thanksgiving in what we do have.

Today’s verse of inspiration is Psalm 71:14.

Funny how quickly things can change. September 22, 2015 I was sitting on my couch finishing up my bible study for my Wednesday morning class.

A knock on the door once again changed our lives forever.

My sister-in-law was at my door. I was not expecting to see her and by the look on her face I knew the news was not good. I just did not have any idea what she was about to tell me.

Although she did not tell me that my husband had cancer, she sat next to me gently on the couch and said “It’s not good.” I got up numbly and started packing a bag for my husband and for me. He was in a hospital 45 minutes away and I had no idea what that really meant at that time.

We left the house and drove to the hospital. When we got there, I was immediately surprised at how calm he was. I think this is what scared me the most. My husband does not like hospitals. And he certainly does not like doctors or being a patient. So the simple fact that he was not arguing with anyone and was calmly relating the story of how he got there, I knew it was serious.

On the drive, I began rallying my prayer warriors. I didn’t have much information to share at the time, but they didn’t need it. The rally call went out. If you don’t have a group of people who you can call upon in a time of need, I strongly suggest you find at least one to start with.

I was encompassed in love just hours after I sent out the first message. Several people came to the hospital before we even met the first doctor. A group of people who will drop whatever they are doing and run to your side in an emergency is Priceless.

Today’s verse is Psalm 46:1

God is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble.

How was the first full day home from the hospital?

In a word:

overwhelming

The first full day home from the hospital and I am already overwhelmed (yes, I keep writing it because there is no other word that completely conveys that feeling).

As I laid in bed last night, asking God to help me stay calm today, I realized that I need a plan to keep myself from feeling overwhelmed on a daily basis.

For those of you just joining in on this journey through the 31 day writing, you may not know that I have stage 4 breast cancer (you can read more about that here). For the last 5 years, actually just a few weeks shy of the actual anniversary of the diagnosis, my husband has been the primary care giver in our household.

Now that my husband has been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer also, the tables are flipped. I am overwhelmed with the daily decisions that have to be made. What do we need from the grocery store? What do we eat for lunch or dinner? I have not had to make these decisions on my own for a long time.

Today I have come up with 4 steps I’m taking to keep from having that feeling of running away, or more importantly, not throwing my cell phone against the wall and breaking it into smithereens:

Turn off the sound notifications on my text messages (except for immediate family).

Friends and family are wonderful. They want to check on us. They want to know what they can do to help. But receiving text messages constantly throughout the day makes me think I need to respond to them immediately. I realized that I do not. So except for texts from my daughters, I will not be responding to texts except during certain times. I haven’t decided what those times are yet, but just knowing that has calmed my nerves already today.

Keep a small notebook on the table next to me.

People want to help. They need to help. I get that. But it is overwhelming to have to think about what someone else can do to help you when all you are trying to do is breath and get through the day. I have figured out a few things that need to be done around the house, and will continue to discover more things throughout the upcoming days and weeks. Keeping a notebook of these things will allow me to delegate these tasks to the people who will be able to do them.

Do the mundane.

There is comfort in the mundane. Doing laundry, it has to be done, but it makes me feel like I have control of just a small part of the craziness going on around me. Folding clothes, putting them away, paying the water bill (ok, I admit, I’m the nerd in the family and having control over bills and the checking account is calming to me, maybe not for everyone). These things are not pressing, there is no one asking me to make a decision, they are things that I can do on autopilot.

And finally, today I will remember to breath.