Offering hope to those on the path behind me
Today I’m weary. I’m tired from the last three weeks that have thrown us this curve ball (My husband is watching baseball in the room while I write this).
So today’s inspiration comes from Casting Crowns. They say it so much better than I ever could.
Listen to the lyrics, and then, if you want to learn more about the story behind the lyrics, you can read more here.
These words speak so loudly to me today and everyday. It is a great reminder that God is with us in the storm.
We had 3 doctor’s appointments starting at 9 am and ending around 2 pm. Not to mention the hour of travel time each way.
We are still very much in the information gathering phase. It is like having to learn a new language. Even though we both understand a lot about cancer already, I’m realizing that each type of cancer has its own vocabulary.
As I sat and listened to the oncologist today and asked as many questions as we could think of, I felt numb once again.
It is not supposed to be like this. Having been down this road two times before with me in the hot seat, we never dreamed that we would be headed down this other fork in the road.
A Facebook post earlier today asked “What would I want to tell myself a year ago?”
That’s easy! Don’t let him wait to go to the doctor, and have them check EVERYTHING.
The why’s creep back in when you are sitting in the oncologists office listening to the statistics. And while I know that is all they are, the numbers are still scary. (But, I am beating the statistics, and he is just as stubborn as me).
So tonight when I came home and read my daily devotional (I usually do that earlier, but we had to be out of the house pretty early this morning), the words jumped off the page.
Entrust to Me everything that concerns you.
As hard as that is, I know in my heart that is all I can do.
We are blessed to have some of the most amazing people in our lives that anyone could ever ask for. Without having to ask, people already set up a care calendar to take care of daily needs. Just knowing that I didn’t have to come home to cook dinner tonight was a huge relief.
In the smallest of ways and in the largest of ways, God has taken care of our needs. In these types of situations we must humble ourselves, let friends and family help, knowing that God is the ultimate provider.
Today’s verse of inspiration is 1 Peter 5:6-7
Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
As a caregiver for a spouse who has recently been diagnosed with cancer, I have had many friends and family tell me that I need to take care of myself.
As a cancer patient myself, who is currently stable, it is much more important that I do not let the stress of being the caregiver over take me. If there is anything that cancer loves it is a high level of stress. My kids and I do not need both of us down for the count right now.
Yesterday my brother-in-law came and stayed with my husband while I got out of the house for what seemed like the first time in about a week. And if you consider the week before that we spent in the hospital, this was the first (well, maybe the second) time in two weeks that I have done something for myself.
I treated myself to a pedicure. A small thing that doesn’t seem like much and some might think sounds selfish, but if you knew the rest of the story you would totally understand.
As much as if feels like life should just stop around you when this happens, that is not the reality.
It is important for me to be available for my daughter during her senior year in high school (we actually ordered her cap and gown yesterday). It is just as important to talk as much as possible to my oldest who is away at college which gives even more challenges for her and me.
Looking back at the situation 12 years ago when I started my cancer journey, I realize that my husband continued to work, continued to help the kids (who were obviously much younger) and continued to manage the life that did not stop then, just like it does not stop now.
At the time I remember thinking I wish he could just stay with me. But that was not realistic, just like it is not realistic now. What I did not understand was how much he needed to feel like there was some sense of normalcy in the daily life.
Now, I get it. Normal, whatever that is, is important. It means that you are not checking out of this life and you are doing something healthy for not only yourself but the one you are caring for.
I ask God each morning to help me remember this. To hold my hand through the day and to give me the strength to continue to make healthy, wise decisions in caring for my husband, my daughters, and myself.
My inspiration for today comes from Isaiah 41:13.
For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of
your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.
We are programmed to ask “WHY?”
If you have ever spent any amount of time around a 2-year-old you know how true that is. I think every other word out of their mouth is “why?”
We are by nature curious. Curiosity has led to many great inventions/improvements. If we weren’t curious we might be living in the Garden of Eden. But the tree of knowledge was so tempting and we have been seeking knowledge ever since.
We want to know. We need to know. Or do we?
A diagnosis of a life threatening disease leads you down the slippery slope of asking Why?
Why did this happen? How did this happen? Why me? Why do bad things happen to good people (at least I would like to think that we are in the “good people” category).
Having already gone down this path 12 years ago and finding it to lead only to having more questions I have decided to take a different path this time.
I do not know Why these things happen. I will not ever know the answer to that while walking this earth (although I do have a list of questions like this that I want to sit and talk to God about when I finally meet him).
So while I am glad that there are people who want to find the answers to the question of Cancer, I cannot focus on the why, I can only focus on the what is next.
I have to find the path that leads to Hope. Hope for our future, hope for a cure, hope for more time together, hope for comfort and thanksgiving in what we do have.
Today’s verse of inspiration is Psalm 71:14.
Funny how quickly things can change. September 22, 2015 I was sitting on my couch finishing up my bible study for my Wednesday morning class.
A knock on the door once again changed our lives forever.
My sister-in-law was at my door. I was not expecting to see her and by the look on her face I knew the news was not good. I just did not have any idea what she was about to tell me.
Although she did not tell me that my husband had cancer, she sat next to me gently on the couch and said “It’s not good.” I got up numbly and started packing a bag for my husband and for me. He was in a hospital 45 minutes away and I had no idea what that really meant at that time.
We left the house and drove to the hospital. When we got there, I was immediately surprised at how calm he was. I think this is what scared me the most. My husband does not like hospitals. And he certainly does not like doctors or being a patient. So the simple fact that he was not arguing with anyone and was calmly relating the story of how he got there, I knew it was serious.
On the drive, I began rallying my prayer warriors. I didn’t have much information to share at the time, but they didn’t need it. The rally call went out. If you don’t have a group of people who you can call upon in a time of need, I strongly suggest you find at least one to start with.
I was encompassed in love just hours after I sent out the first message. Several people came to the hospital before we even met the first doctor. A group of people who will drop whatever they are doing and run to your side in an emergency is Priceless.
Today’s verse is Psalm 46:1
God is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble.
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