BuiltaLife

Offering hope to those on the path behind me

Tag: #BuiltaLifeTogether

Open to New Possibilities

09/20/2018 / / 0 Comments

I have been reading the book “The Artist’s Way” by Julia Cameron with a few friends. It has been a slow going process. We don’t meet every week, in fact, it has taken us almost an entire year to get through 9 chapters. But what started as an exercise to help me “tell my story” has evolved into so much more.

I started this blog to tell my story. Then my husband got sick and it became our story (which it really was all along anyway). After 10 months, he passed away and I started writing a little more about grief and the healing process.

I’m excited to share with you that with the help of my Artist’s Way friends, and some other very unexpected events, I am working on a new project. I have been shown some new possibilities for a way to express what I have been wanting to share with the world (or at least with those who need to find hope when all else seems lost).

This new project is fiction, however, like most things people write about, it is based on things I have learned along the way through my cancer diagnosis, my husband’s cancer and death, and my journey of healing through grief.

I cannot express how excited I am about this new path that I feel is being laid before me.

I hope to share just a few gems along the way as I travel down this path.

Today’s gem came to me as I was doing a writing exercise exploring the antagonist- Grief.

Grief is a Bully. When you are in the midst of grief, it will butt in at the least opportune time and take control of a situation.

Kim and J.R.

Another First – Father’s Day without a Father

06/15/2017 / / 2 Comments

I have been a little low this week. At first I thought it was being back from vacation, but that should have worn off already. Then I thought it was because I had my doctor’s appointment yesterday, but that was just a 6-week regularly scheduled check-in – not a big deal.

It wasn’t until this morning when I opened Facebook and saw it:

Don't forget Father's Day

Father’s Day is on Sunday

 

That is when it clicked. Father’s Day. A day to celebrate the men in our lives. Only this year, we don’t have two of them.

This is one of those Firsts that you hear about when people talk about grief.

It is our first Father’s Day without a Father. My first Father’s day in 50 plus years to not be able to talk to my dad and wish him a Happy Father’s day.

The first Father’s day in 22 years (yes, he got a Father’s day gift when I was pregnant with our first daughter) where I will not roll over in the morning and tell my husband before anyone else Happy Father’s Day.

I admit I have gotten better at identifying why I am feeling down, but this one snuck up on me. I’m not sure why. Maybe it was because of all of the activity that we have had going on lately.

Since March life has been moving ahead. I closed on my new house and moved, I sold our old house, my oldest graduated from college, we went on a cruise to celebrate graduation and surviving the past year. Next week we are going to look for apartments for my oldest who will now be moving on to graduate school.

All of that in three and a half months is enough for anyone. much less someone who had 2 devastating losses less than a year ago. Sometimes I look at my kids and I amazed at how well they have handled this year.

On Sunday I will hug my girls, tell them how proud I am of them.

In my heart I will wish I was calling my dad one more time to tell him Happy Father’s day….

Happy Father’s Day Dad

…And giving my husband another homemade coupon entitling the bearer to a  trip to Barnes and Noble with his spouse to watch him read every back cover on the Sci-Fi aisle, looking for the perfect next book.

Happy Father’s Day J.R 

Counting Blessings Vs. Grief

11/14/2016 / / 0 Comments

Dear J.R.,

I wonder if you know how much I miss you.

Thanksgiving day will be 4 months since you’ve been gone. It doesn’t really feel like a festive occasion this year.

I see friends posting on Facebook everyday with their daily “Today I’m thankful for…..” post. I have not joined in. I find it hard to find a new thing everyday to be thankful for right now.

I am thankful for family, friends and sleep. But that only covers 3 days of thankfulness.

Each night I try to count my blessings (sometimes that is the only way I can get to sleep).

I’m so very thankful for the 23 plus years we had together. I’m thankful for the two beautiful daughters we raised together. I’m thankful for the love we shared and the life we had. We #BuiltaLifeTogether.

So many people say that it is hard to be sad when you count your blessings.

When grieving, I find this to be very untrue.

When I count my blessings, or the things I’m thankful for (since this is the month of Thanks) it does not lessen the grief and sadness I feel. But it does help me get through the day. It reminds me that I have a reason to get up, get dressed and get out and participate in life.

Life can still slap me in the face when I’m least expecting it. Like when a song comes on the radio that makes me think of you, or when I see something in the store and think you would like it. Or when I see a couple holding hands and want to reach out and hold your hand.

It is many small things that happen throughout the day that make me long to have a conversation with you and listen to your unique perspective. I still expect to hear your voice at times.

There are so many things I want to share with you. I wish you were here to see the house that I’m building. I wish you were here to see the Super Moon this week (it was always fun to stargaze with you and discuss the latest episode of Ancient Aliens). I wish you were here to see the Dallas Cowboys are finally in first place in the NFC East.

I’m trying hard to find small things to be thankful for everyday. There is always something to be thankful for. I try to find a reason to smile everyday as you asked me to – some days are harder than others.

I Love You. I Miss You. I’m doing my best to figure out this new life without you by my side.

© 2026 BuiltaLife

Theme by Anders Noren — Up ↑