It seems I’m seeing more and more posts and books about Grief these days. And not the Charlie Brown “Good Grief” kind.
I purchased Sheryl Sandberg’s recently published book called “Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy” Although this is not a book review, so far I give the book two thumbs up. She speaks directly to me. However, I am a person who is still grieving, just like her.
Many Facebook posts I see about grief are titled something along the lines of “Things I wish people understood about losing _______”(you can fill in the blank with parent, child, spouse, even close friend).
Until I was thrown into the depths of grief, none of these books or blog posts would have hit me the way they do now.
While I think it is great to have a dialogue about grief, because keeping it bottled up is not the answer, people are never going to understand the depths of grief until they have found themselves swallowed by it.
It is not something that is easily explained, nor can you set a time limit on it. Someone who has never experienced grief will not understand that the hole in your heart will never be filled again. At some point, scar tissue will form over the hole, but as anyone with a scar will tell you, you will always remember the story of how you got that scar.
Have you ever had a scar that when you touch it the wrong way, or bump into something, your brain gets the pain signal? It is not the same pain signal you may have gotten when you were originally injured, but it is a reminder that the injury was there. The same can be said for grief. Over time, the scar tissue will form, the pain won’t be as intense as the original, but it is still there. And you never know what will be the trigger (like bumping into furniture in the middle of the night, especially after you have just rearranged, grief rearranges things in my path all the time).
Somewhere along the grief journey I discovered Emily McDowell greeting cards (even before they were mentioned in Sheryl’s book). Her cards are funny and honest. I love them. My personal favorite is:
Funny But Honest
I have been blessed with some amazing friends and family in my life. While they may not understand the depth of my grief, they have been there for me and continue to be there for me when that scar tissue gets bumped and sends the pain signal.
It has been just over 9 months since my father (7/20/16) and my husband (7/24/16) passed away. And while the scar has begun to form over the hole in my heart, the only way that I can carry on is to Choose Joy daily. By choosing joy, I’m helping that scar to form so the hole does not feel like such a void.
