It is OK to just be OK
The other day an acquaintance asked me how I was doing. If you know me at all, you know my standard answer to that question used to be Awesome!
Now when I’m asked, my answer is OK.
She looked surprised and said “that doesn’t sound good.”
My first thought as she seemed surprised with my answer was “How would you answer the question if your husband (and father) had just passed away 2 months ago?”
I’m not Awesome. I still cry for what seems like no reason. I am still adjusting to living without my best friend. In the past 2 months my life has completely changed. Some changes were expected (like my youngest daughter heading off to college), some were anticipated, but unexpected (like my husband and father passing away just 4 apart from one another).
I am learning how to live alone for the first time in over 24 years.
Cut me a break if my response is that I’m OK.
OK is pretty good right now.
If I answered honestly, you might not want to hear the dark details of the sleepless nights, or the trips to the store so I don’t feel alone. You don’t want to know that the smallest thing can make me cry…like hearing a song, or something I read, even a commercial for something that he hated or loved.
I know that I am here, he is gone and (I believe) there is something God has planned for me, but my life today is not Awesome. I am working towards it, and I want it to be Awesome, but right now I am OK with being OK.
We all see things differently. Allow me to experience my grief in my own way. Do not push me to grieve the way you think it should be done.
Do not push me to grieve longer, or to grieve less, or to grieve in any way that I am not comfortable. It’s mine and I will do it as it fits me.
This is my grief, and I am OK.
One day my answer may change to better, good, great….even Awesome.
But not today.
And that is OK!