Last Sunday the sermon was about worry. The preacher mentioned that there were studies that indicate that worry is a sign of intelligence. This post on Huffington Post, cites a study that found a relationship between worrying and verbal intelligence.
I admit I have been a worrier in the past. (I’m not trying to suggest that my verbal intelligence is high). But honestly, that was before I was diagnosed with cancer the second time. I guess I didn’t learn my lesson well enough the first time, so maybe I am an anomaly to the intelligence/worry correlation.
In 2010 when I got the news that my cancer had metastasized, I will admit I was worried and scared.
Scared for what that meant for my family. What would happen to them if I wasn’t around. After all, my kids were in middle school and high school. This might be too much for them to handle.
As happens when you get that kind of news, you go straight into fight mode. You find out what the test results are and you talk to you doctors to find out what the next course of action is. (You can read more about how this journey started by reading My Story and following along).
Since I wasn’t able to work during this time around due to physical issues, I felt isolated. Some wonderful friends talked me into joining a bible study at our church to help get me out of the house.
This was when the change started to take place. I participated in a bible study group for several months, and then found another class that was a more in depth study.
The small group (less than 15) and the daily reading and learning slowly began to change my outlook.
I began to understand that I could not change the fact that I have cancer. The best I could do, for me, for my family and for my health was to live life without worrying every day.
Easy?
No Way!
It is definitely a daily choice that I have to make. But after almost 5 years since my diagnosis, I can say that I don’t worry about the next phase (ok, yes, some days I do, and then I regroup and remind myself of my choice).
Will there be a next phase? Of course, I have stage 4 breast cancer. When will it happen? I have no idea. What can I do about it now? Live! Enjoy life, do what I can to help others, and show people that just because I have cancer I refuse to sit around and wait for the next shoe to fall.
I will admit that any time I get a new ache or pain, or whenever I have scans, I get a little nervous. But I will take nervous over worry any day. Worry tends to not go away. It tends to dwell within you, Worry looks to the past.
When you have cancer, living in the past is just wasting the precious time you have left.
My brain tells me to worry, but my heart tells me to focus on the future.
What are you worrying about that is stealing your future?
I worry about fear, fear of lack. I worry about things that might happen or may never happen. I work if we will lose our income and not be able to provide for our family. I know that sounds foolish when my God said He will provide ALL my needs(not some but all) in the book of Philippians! I trust God with my heart but worry with my brain. Now I find a correlation between worry and verbal intelligence. I knew I was smart: a past teacher of math and science a guru for numbers as a tax counselor and author of 5 books, one being Tax Questions Answered about tax law updates. But why do I continue to worry? Was it because it was modeled to me from my Momma? I think there might be some truth to that also! Let me know your thoughts here too. Thanks for listening, Tina Louise Ristine Freethy
Hi Tina,
Thanks for your thoughts and honesty. I have been there and sometimes still get there (2 kids, 1 in college and the other about to head that way). I have truly had to learn to trust God over these last 5 years. My biggest take away is that I can’t let the worry consume me. When I find myself starting to worry I refocus my attention to the blessings that I have and remember how God has provided in the past. Great discussion! Thanks.