It has been 4 weeks since our lives changed, again.
I will be honest, I have really come to dislike October.
I was originally diagnosed with cancer in October 2003. In October 2010 I was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. And now, my husband (although his was actually the end of September).
Does every family have a time period where they just hold their breath and hope they get through without some other shoe dropping?
I have had good days and bad days. Today was a bad day. Not because anything happened, but just because.
I am so grateful that I have a friend who will let me vent and complain and not try to solve my problems. I mean, let’s face it, my current problems are a little bigger than a flat tire. She was able to talk me out of the pit I was finding myself in.
I did a search on Google for bible verses when you are angry at God because I just could not look for an inspirational bible verse today.
Instead I found this article about Jeremiah 20. Jeremiah was angry at God.
Did I learn anything about myself and my relationship with God? YES.
- It is OK to be angry at God. We are human after all. We do not understand His ways. God already knows we are angry. He welcomes the fact that we will talk to him about it.
- I wrote about pretending earlier this month. And I still believe that. If you can continue to be faithful, even when you don’t want to be, it will become second nature and you won’t be pretending any longer. But be honest with your friends and yourself. You can be angry at God and still be faithful.
- Being angry with God does not mean that you separate yourself from Him. Not unlike a parent/child relationship, God still loves us even when we are mad at Him.
My biggest take away from today is that the sooner I acknowledge my anger with God, the sooner I can recognize how God is working in my life.
It was June/July for our family. Dan got sick in July and Austin died the end of June the next summer. That third summer we spent on pins and needles. I am a big believer that the more honest you are with your feelings the more healthily you process everything. I think you are doing a great job navigating through this awfulness. I am always willing to listen if you need another ear.
Thanks Gretchen for the ear, shoulder, prayers, etc. So grateful to have some amazing friends in our life.
Kim, Thank you for sharing! I absolutely agree with you. I learned that same lesson from a former pastor’s wife who shared her son’s anger, as a young boy, after he was diagnosed with Aplastic Anemia and had multiple bone marrow transplants. She heard him in the shower one day saying, “God, I am mad at you and I mean it!” Love you, and the way your testimony is shining in midst of the trials.
Thank you Leslie. I appreciate your prayers through all of this 🙂
Oh girl, yes! Let me tell ya – we had a period of time (about a 5 year span) of shoe drops in our family. No particular month, it was just a constant hail storm. I do understand the anger part. The biggest and best lesson I’ve ever learned about God’s grace came out of it. He loved me through it so gently, and so perfectly. (Popped in through the 31 Dayers FB page.)
Just as a parent still loves their child when they are mad, God loves us through it. Totally agree. Thanks for reading and responding 🙂
Prayers for you and your husband! I totally understand anger with God, and I even think that He can sympathize and be angry with us when we go through hard times.
Thank you for your words of support and prayers.