I’m in Stage 5

One of the most common questions for someone who has cancer is “How are you feeling?” While people ask this question out of concern or curiosity, it is not a question that can be answered quickly or easily.  This is usually a 20 minute conversation at a minimum if you really want to know the truth.

The short answer to that question will usually depend on which stage someone is in related to their diagnosis. Most likely they are rolling their eyes on the inside and thinking to themselves “Did they really just ask me that question?”

A cancer patient goes thru the same stages that you may associate with grief. And if you think about it, this makes perfect sense. Let’s look at each of the stages and the answers that you may hear from your friend or colleague that has been diagnosed with cancer:

Stage 1 – Denial

The answer to the question is “I’m fine.” In reality they are reliving the moment that the doctor told them that they have Cancer. They still in their mind are thinking “They aren’t talking to me.”  I got that call 12 years ago. The doctor told me that I had cancer and I was certain that the pathologist had mixed up my results with someone else’s. I had no history of cancer in my family and I felt healthy. I could not have cancer. I continued to bounce back into denial for 7 years until I got the diagnosis of metastatic cancer. I couldn’t really deny it any longer after that.

Stage 2 – Anger

The answer to the question is “How do you think I feel?” or “I have Cancer!” I was mad at the diagnosis, my friends, my family, God and even at myself. I’m sure I was angry at a lot of things over the years. Just when I think I’m past the anger stage I find something else that I get mad about. It may be something as small as that thing I used to be able to do but no longer can or as big as yelling at God and asking him again “Why?” After 12 years of this, I have been able to find ways to acknowledge that this is what I am doing and move past the anger stage quickly. This is not a good stage to stay in but it is something that we all go through. Some just move through it faster than others.

Stage 3 – Bargaining

This stage is personal and usually happens simultaneously to one of the others so the answer to the question is likely to be more like one of the other stages. Bargaining is a discussion between you and God. Please God, take this out of my life and I will {fill in the blank}.

Stage 4 – Depression

In this stage you may not even get an answer, but if you do it will probably start with a heavy sigh or crying. This is normal. Depression manifests itself in many ways. I mourned the fact that my life is now different than what I expected it to be. I worried about what would happen to my family and our finances. My treatment schedule moved along very rapidly after being diagnosed. After six months of chemotherapy and another 2 months of radiation, all of the sudden there were no more treatments scheduled. I mentioned this to the doctor and was told that was very common. I just spent the last year fighting for my life in essence and then BOOM….there is nothing left to do. The depression will come and go throughout just like Denial and Anger.

Stage 5 – Acceptance

I probably answer this question differently than others. My answer “I’m Awesome!” I have even begun to answer my doctor and his staff with the same response. I make this choice every day. I have accepted that I have Cancer. My life is not what I thought it was going to be. I choose to make the best of each day. My close friends know when I am putting on a good face for someone. But my answer is always the same. Sometimes there is just more enthusiasm than others. I will continue to answer that question the same way as long as I am here.

I choose to Thrive in Stage 5. This is my BuiltaLife.