Listen to a Different Voice

That little voice in my head tells me “You are not special.”

Yesterday, I saw a post asking “How do you get someone to tell/write their story?”

People have asked me to write my story. Told me that they would read it and buy the book. But that little voice in my head continues to tell me “Kim, you are not special.”

I have not done anything heroic or extraordinary in my life. I have been married to my wonderful husband for 22 years. We have two beautiful daughters that I love with all of my heart. I am a breast cancer survivor going on 12 years since my original diagnosis and 5 years since the metastatic diagnosis.

People tell me that it is worth writing. But why? I really don’t understand.

4 Years can make a huge difference

I posted a Then/Now photo on FaceBook a few days ago that showed me 4 years ago in a wheelchair after my hip surgery and another picture of me at the Young Living Essential Oils Convention amidst thousands of other people.  I got lots of likes and encouraging comments from friends. Some who didn’t even realize what I had been through 4 years ago.

So what is it that makes us want to tell our story? I have been struggling with this lately as I feel I’m being led to write my story, but that voice keeps talking to me. “You are not special. You don’t have anything else to say that hasn’t already been said.” All of which starts to be believed when you hear it over and over again in your head.

But the other night as I was going to bed, I heard a different voice. This voice said, “Kim, I made you, therefore, you ARE SPECIAL. ” What? Where did that come from?

Wow. That was powerful. I realized in that moment that my definition of special was being determined by the perception of what others thought of me. And by others, I don’t mean those that know me, who tell me I am special, but by those that I have never met and have never met me.

Why do we put our fragile state of mind in the hands of others we have never met? Why do we not believe those that know us?

In that moment, I decided that it was time to start listening to those who know me. I am going to start writing my story. Not because I need others to tell me I’m special, but because I already have people in my life that tell me I am special.

Telling my story is not about the ‘need’ to feel special. Telling my story is therapy. It is finding out for myself that I am special and learning to listen to the people who know me and love me already. It is trusting that they know what they are talking about and responding to that voice that reminded me in the dark of the night “Kim, I made you, therefore, you are special.”